As a young non union actor starting out in a large city, sometimes you need to do black things in back alleys or run around nude for no pay in order to work your way upward in the company. I did neither. I did something much worse, and of my own volition. I lied, I abused my body, and I mentally insulted thousands of others.That’s right: I was in weight loss advertisements. This is my narrative.
The Models in Weight Loss Advertisements Don’t Slim Down Like You
If you’ve ever been drunk at four in the morning with an empty bag of potato chips, you’ve probably run into an infomercial like this.
But wait, there is more!
Those weight loss advertisements might really use the exact same woman. There is no way to tell, because both are demographically sound, milquetoast Caucasian/Photoshop hybrids. On paper, all of these strategies seem like a lazy fat person’s dream: “Take these pills and slim down!” “Take three cayenne pepper smoothies a day!” “Do this special 20-minute fat-blasting work out three times per week!”
There are two things all of these weight loss wonders advertisements have in common: They seem extremely simple, and they do not even sort of work. My strategy focused on brief bursts of high-intensity exercise to supercharge really brief work out sessions. I do not understand considerably more about it, because none of us were permitted to follow the real DVDs we were selling. The initial time I saw any of the exercise DVDs was six hours before the closing “after” interview with our producer.
What was the real plan?
The actual strategy was for us to work out three to six hours daily for a month. They also put us on a strict diet (the DVD emphasized that you didn’t have to diet at all, but this is the real world), locking us down to 1,000 calories a day, which you may recognize as the caloric value of the smell of a Big Mac.
Two girls dropped out of our weight loss advertisement cast after developing blowing illnesses.
Even a small person needs at least 1,250 calories to be healthful, but when you eat that little and work out continuously, you bet you will lose weight. All of it save for the bones, if you are not cautious. Because.
The (Secret) Strategy the Models Follow Is Wildly Unhealthy
They told us to take water retention pills. Lots of the girls took laxatives. I began drinking this yogi tea which makes you poop more. We’d have happily defaulted on a loan with Shylock only to be rid of that unsightly additional pound of flesh. And it is not like any of us were overweight from the beginning; we’d perhaps 15 or 20 pounds to lose. When you are that close to your target weight, it is more difficult to cut pounds. I don’t have any notion what they were – they told us they were vitamins – but it certainly seems like a courteous pseudonym for “unethical Chinese amphetamines”.
We agreed not to drink any water for hours before the weigh-ins, because those few seconds under lights on the scale were all that mattered. During weigh in, we had all pump our arms in the air and cheer and high five. This is a kind of shit no one really does to congratulate buddies outside of an ’80s teen comedy. But when you observe like that, even when it is forced, it is possible to buy into it. They give so much positive reinforcement for the weight loss, and you are sort of detached with all these starving, weary folks. It is like a recipe for breaking down a man’s emotional obstacles. This is how they get folks to turn state’s evidence. Or join Scientology.